And remember, wherever you go, there you are.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Not an easy topic.

I'm here to spill about a really really really not fun part of being a single parent. 

The D-WORD!!!!......


Royalty Free Clipart Image of a Boy Giving a Girl a Valentine Card

NOT fun. Not a fun thing at all. 

I can't think of many things I like about it. 

I guess, sometimes the dates could be fun???-- and you might get to try new foods or activities. So, there's my positive about it! ;) 

And there's really no way around it.  (Trust me, people will set you up when you least expect it.)

I got divorced about a year and a half ago after being separated for about a year prior to that. And, so I guess that's about as long as you can go without people all trying to get you to go on a date or two.... or three. 

When I got divorced, it was the last thing on my mind. And way too soon, I got into a relationship with an absolutely amazing person. He was really great! And then it just hit me that it was way too quick. And I hadn't had time to go through the whole "grieving process". Because I was angry with my ex, and then I was sad about it, and then I was trying to figure out how to co-parent with some guy that I was married to that I felt was such a stranger. And then I realized it wasn't working. And, that was terrible and I felt guilty as all get-out. And then along comes a way unexpected guy that I met online? (don't ask for details, it involves a silly night with my little sister and seeing who all these people were online and what the big rage was, ANYWAY!). Well, he was also a great guy. Way fun and spunky, but ..... distance and just not the right thing.

But a break-up is a break-up. And we all know they're not "fun". But we get through them. :)

And somewhere after that, I went on a completely random date with a  super nice guy (not my type at ALL) which had to end almost right away- but how do you say it to someone, right?!?! Well, I did, and felt terrible.  :/

So, a year or more goes by, right. And I'm all..... "OK... well... maybe I could just.... test the waters". 
And I hadn't heard about anybody that was looking. And I wasn't going to "ask" around. SO, NATURALLY (*wink wink*) I try a dating site. And one turned into two. And, let's face it. Not a whole lot to offer on there.
If you've been on them, there are a BUUUUUUUNNNNCCCHHHH of doozies!!!

Eventually, to my surprise, someone kind of normal sent me a message, and we had a lot in common (including a home town and common acquaintances). It was good, and we got along well, so we agreed to go on a date. That date went well.

Two days after that date, I get an e-mail from a fellow teacher,
"HEY! So, I know we don't know each other too well, but I know this GREAT guy and I think you guys would be SO great for each other- he is SUCH a great person!... etc. etc." 

To which, I reply and thank her. And explain to her that I did just start to see someone kind of and wasn't sure how these things worked, but we'll see. 
That was that until we were added on Facebook. (The good ole' book of faces, RIGHT?!)

So, now I've broken it off with guy from online (which, I can't even explain how it happened), and I'm to go on a date with this guy who does seem great (for many reasons).

I guess, it's all fine. But I feel like I'm in high school again.
And I don't mean that in a negative way..... really. But, seriously. I feel like it. I feel like I did in high school. Except, in high school I really didn't have all of maybe three boyfriends - so maybe not EXACTLY! hahaha. 

 I don't know the rules to dating any more.

 I don't know how this all works. 

And then we add kids into the mix. That's the part that makes me the MOST nervous!!!!!! 

They have met a couple of the people I went on dates with. And each time I have to explain very carefully, that Mom is just going on a date, just a date. And then they just want to talk about it all of the time. Even if I don't expose them to the guy I'm dating very often at ALL (which is my rule of thumb until it's more "serious" and we've been on a few dates). But then, my oldest tends to just get attached. Which is SO hard for me. I wish I knew the answer to that. But I don't.

I dated mostly people with kids until recently. Which is nice. Well, both have their advantages and their disadvantages. Because, then you've got the "Baby Mama Drama", which is NEVER fun. Then, if you don't have a guy with kids, they don't understand why you can't leave spur-of-the-moment all of the time. 

And then there's the whole, when do you introduce them and the kids to each other.
And then, there's the whole my oldest daughter doesn't really have a "Dad" and I've decided that whomever it is that I marry will adopt her and if he won't, then it won't work out. But then, my youngest daughter DOES have a Dad and he's alright and good with her, but I still want an amazing man in her life to show her all sorts of things I feel she would need to know! 
And how often do you incorporate all of the kids and the people and who and what and how?!?!! And what if he has kids?! I'm scared of "Baby Mama Drama" after the marriage I was in. I'm SOOOO scared of that! I know they're not all like that, but could be!

And then, there's the whole.... I don't like breaking up. I don't. I don't cry very well any more. And when I break up, I feel like I want to cry about it (haha, but really), but I can't do it! And then I just get all "THIS IS SO STUPID".

But then, I still dream about a big, beautiful wedding in a  church, and our friends and families. And I've got a beautiful dress. And we live happily ever after. 


UGH....... dating.

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